I've been a friend to my "friend" almost 7 years. We are in our relationship nearly for 5 years. Everyone asked me, why I choose to be in this relationship for so long? It is not good knowing each other for so long and haven't married yet. They judged I did a sin because we go out together, have fun and do lots of things together without any status. (Which closely have a same meaning like a normal friends but the different is we have feeling on one another so it sounds wrong.) I've listened to those questions and statements for so damn long and I'm just smile and replied no answer. Not because I have nothing to say. But because my answer is quite long and I bet you won't be able to listen to it. and I bet, you're asking without any intention to listen to my answer so yes.
In the name of Allah, who is in this world want to be in the relationship for years and don't want to end it with marriage? In Islam, marriage is the real relationship. Other than marriage, is nothing. But let me explain, it is not me who decided to meet him in 2010. It is not me who gave him a feeling to love me in 2013. It is definitely not me who helped him to find me in 2013 after a long lost contact. Not me who bring affection is his heart. It is not me who hold his heart for not giving up on me till now. And I have no right to blame him to like me. it just the time hasn't come yet.
Same goes to me. My life is held by my lord. I have no right to conquer it. I have no power to decide what is going to be in my future or right now. I've rejected him thrice and he keep coming back. Is it my fault if I started to accept him? Everything is in His hands. I'm only able to attempt and pray, what is going to be after that is definitely beyond my power. So don't you dare to ask me something which is obviously in His hands. because that's His job, not mine. So who am I to question Him?
But everyone put a blame on me. You just don't get me nor understand me so don't say anything. You are not standing in my shoes. Try to put yourself in my situation. we are separated by miles and it's hard for us to meet but we try our best to meet. yes, our best. How to prevent ourselves not to meet someone we love for years? It had been 5 years and you are trying to say it is wrong for us to meet. If it happen to you, can you do it? You are prohibiting us to get married, hold on, do not rushing, finish our degree first, make money first, prepare everything first and there is no problem with that. but at the same time everything we did was wrong and it is a fault if we always meet so which path should we follow? again. is it our fault to meet each other in 2010? is it our fault to have this kind of feeling? I didn't ask for it. seriously.
O Allah, explain to me why this situation happen. Why I meet 'someone' too early and we can't be with one another? I just want a reason so I can understand.
There are people tested this way, there are people who got tested that way. There are people tested no pairs, there are people tested married early and divorced, there are people tested have no children and there are people tested have a pair, love long and haven't married yet. So who's to blame? Them? Their creator? Everyone tested with different tests. Whether we are strong enough to past it or not? If we are not, we will give up.
If I can choose my destiny, I will ask Allah not to know him on 2010 so he won't admit that he loves me. I will ask Allah to prevent him to find me in 2013 too so he won't bring me to his family and the love won't get strong. It is not in my jurisdiction. If I can choose my destiny, I'm not going to make neither money nor time as our problem. I'm going to put everything at ease just like a fairy tale.